So, this is from my old blog. I started a blog called "several reasons" at the start of 2007, and nothing came from it except this post. I really needed time to write this out and just to get my feelings down as a reminder of the truths I found.
Two years on, not very much has changed.
I still can't do the laplace transforms, and I still feel immature as ever but the truth and confusion remain. I've heard God speak a little more, and I like to think I complain less.
And my jeans are significantly skinnier.
Enjoy:
Saturday, 24 February 2007
inexperience and acceptance
Sometimes I decide to go against this world's standards.
sometimes i decide to forgo punctuation
i've come to realise that in the past, i've been nothing but immature about all the circumstances in my life. i used to complain, whinge, and whine about everything that came my way. even if not openly, i'd be bitter inside. even recently little snide comments keep popping into my head. the thing i've been hearing about the most this year is trusting in God, and learning to lean on His understanding and not my own. and these past few weeks have definitely been calling for that. i thought i was reaching adulthood with some of my decisions but i know now that that overconfidence needed to be cut down. i have to realise that i've got a long way to go. and the last week... and few days have been a humbling experience.
host day and o-day and the associated training really showed me how little i knew about my life at uni, how little i had done in the last year, and how fast it all went by. it left me feeling like i had to be more resourceful with my time, otherwise it'd rush past me. my life would leave me behind and i'd have to continually struggle to keep up. with the university, church and family commitments all fighting for my attention i need to learn to keep that balance.
sometimes that balance is kept for me.
with so many situations out of my control, i just need to rely on God's own strength to do His will in whatever circumstances i face and hope that i'm doing the best i can. aiming forwards every day towards a "well done, my good and faithful servant". in this lifetime so much is unsure, and having just turned 18 a few months ago, the infinite knowledge that you seem to have when you're a teenager (in all of your long 18 years of experience) starts to seem immensely useless. how can you balance spiritual life, serving in church and serving in the family when all you can do is a laplace transform and a couple of second-order linear differential equation problems. (for the record i can't even do those anymore).
this world is a confusing place, but i guess that's what it's for. to confuse you so much that you have to rely on God, the unchanging, whose will is perfect in every way. it comes with all the inexperience of life, and the acceptance that it's always going to be there.
sidenote: light-hearted blog soon
sometimes i decide to forgo punctuation
i've come to realise that in the past, i've been nothing but immature about all the circumstances in my life. i used to complain, whinge, and whine about everything that came my way. even if not openly, i'd be bitter inside. even recently little snide comments keep popping into my head. the thing i've been hearing about the most this year is trusting in God, and learning to lean on His understanding and not my own. and these past few weeks have definitely been calling for that. i thought i was reaching adulthood with some of my decisions but i know now that that overconfidence needed to be cut down. i have to realise that i've got a long way to go. and the last week... and few days have been a humbling experience.
host day and o-day and the associated training really showed me how little i knew about my life at uni, how little i had done in the last year, and how fast it all went by. it left me feeling like i had to be more resourceful with my time, otherwise it'd rush past me. my life would leave me behind and i'd have to continually struggle to keep up. with the university, church and family commitments all fighting for my attention i need to learn to keep that balance.
sometimes that balance is kept for me.
with so many situations out of my control, i just need to rely on God's own strength to do His will in whatever circumstances i face and hope that i'm doing the best i can. aiming forwards every day towards a "well done, my good and faithful servant". in this lifetime so much is unsure, and having just turned 18 a few months ago, the infinite knowledge that you seem to have when you're a teenager (in all of your long 18 years of experience) starts to seem immensely useless. how can you balance spiritual life, serving in church and serving in the family when all you can do is a laplace transform and a couple of second-order linear differential equation problems. (for the record i can't even do those anymore).
this world is a confusing place, but i guess that's what it's for. to confuse you so much that you have to rely on God, the unchanging, whose will is perfect in every way. it comes with all the inexperience of life, and the acceptance that it's always going to be there.
sidenote: light-hearted blog soon
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